A Rose is a rose is a rose…

Paint a rose I thought!

It will be easy I thought!

Gah I think I have too many lines 🙄

Astro is serious about it all, and Kimba is happy!

Must be time for a break…

Going it alone with a different technique as part of my Easter weekend cave style creative binge!

It’s good I’m trying to apply what I’ve learnt in class, but it’s hard!

It’s the next step in my creative journey and I’ve jumped in so the only option is to swim!

It’s early stages yet, so who knows how this rose might turn out!

Love Letter to Myself

I’ve made it back to the local markets for some letter writing to myself and some food shopping for Christmas 🎄I’m feeling organised for Christmas, but I’m sure there’s something I’ve forgotten to do! Fortunately I have a few days to remember before Christmas.

Writing love letters isn’t easy, and it’s not something I’ve done much in my life, especially to myself. But it was a fun exercise to do and challenging. It was an effort to sit and write what I love about me, without letting my logical mind edit before the words were written. It was slow going. The words didn’t flow at times. But I persisted and wrote a love letter to myself. At the end of the letter, I felt more in tune with myself, more at peace, and I’m sure this is something I could do more often.

I look forward to reading my the letter in a year’s time! And to see if I’ve developed more wats to love myself.

Lilliana Rose 🌹

www.lillianarose.com

Doorways

Looking through doorways before some journaling and wondering where they may take me in my imagination.

An inspiring environment to do some journaling.

Tying Knots

When I was in primary school the fad was to make friendship bracelets. A quick lesson from a classmate, a selection of a few colours of embroidery thread I convinced mum I had to have (lucky my mum was a big supporter of craft activities), and I was set to make the bracelets. I taught myself new designs, the patterns formed in my head (there was no Internet to look up or YouTube videos to watch). Each night before bed I would make a new bracelet. I made a lot of them.

For the life of me I can’t remember how to make them. I do remember I enjoyed knotting the thin threads and making up my own designs. As an adult, I thought I’d try and connect back to this childhood joy. Right now, macramé is back in fashion, and I thought I’d make my own hanging pot.

I bought a DIY pack and followed the instructions. It was much more difficult than I thought it would be. I had to undo the knots and start again at least three times, and I made such an error I had to contact the lady I bought the kit from for some more rope.

What was going on? The mistakes I were making was unbelievably stupid and why wasn’t I picking it up like I had when I was ten?

Adult brain.

I was second guessing without realising. I wanted to get it perfect the first time. I just wanted to get it done, and I was fixated on the end result.

When I was about ten, I didn’t have any of these expectations. I simply gave it a go. It’s this approach I’d like to get back to, but it’s not easy. My adult brain too easily interferes. Also, my adult brain learns much slower than when I was ten, a child’s brain is like a sponge and simply soaks up new information, and my adult brain is overloaded.

Wanting to give macramé another go, I booked into a workshop. Sometimes it’s much easier to be shown, and have a teacher there to help you out when you are all knotted up. Plus, there are a few tips which can help out, and keep you from getting over tangled.

finished hanging potplant.JPG

During the workshop, I connected more with how I approached making the friendship bracelets when in primary school. Also, I found a meditative state when I knotted. Maybe it was because I had more confidence because I wasn’t second guessing myself. While knotting, I worked at my own pace and rhythm. I found a way to relax, to have fun, to play, and reconnect to my inner child, whose approach to learning is something I should apply more in my life. This is what I’ll be attempting to do when I make up the DIY macramé hanging plant kit I have sitting on my kitchen table. I might be tying knots, but I’ll be having fun.

The Perspective of Art

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

We’ve all heard this saying and something similar can be said about art and the creation of art. During the first lesson of my intermediate art class, the teacher took us through mixing colours to create tones, tints, and shades. The mixed colours were used to create a colour palette on canvas and then to paint a small image, the purpose to attempt to create the colours seen.

I’m very nervous in art classes. For me, I’m not so good, I’m learning and trying to develop my own skill in its intuitive uniqueness. I’m more of a free-from artist, even when I write, so it was natural for me to add my own approach to what I was painting. When the teacher came by and asked me what I was doing, I answered I was making it up. She re-illiterate the task, and left me to it. Re-create the colours you see in the still life. At one point I had to add more blue to the purple and something about high or low tones. But why, if what I was doing was painting what I was seeing?

I was painting the colours in my own perspective, which was unique to me – just as I do when writing. If describing a scene or an object, I use my perspective and so my words would be different to someone else who saw the same scene or object. The point here for me, is that I gained an insight to my creative expression which is similar in both writing and painting. I create what I see, but I don’t always see what everyone else sees.

This makes it tricky to teach art. How can art be taught when it’s down to the personal perspective and expression of the creator? There needs to be a basic understanding, which of course that’s what the teacher was trying to teach me. I don’t want to mix colours and always get brown, but it’s in the creativity where the perspective changes right from the first brush stroke. Once the basics are learnt, then it’s about bringing alive my own perspective, whether hidden or intuitive. It’s about valuing the perspective of art, the creating, applying intuition, adding a little logical thought, and then simply letting it be to shine out in the world.

The Benefits of Art

I’ve been doing art classes as a way to help me develop my drawing and painting skills. Going through this process has been beneficial for me on many levels. I’m getting out of the house, doing something for me, meeting new people, learning new skills, and expressing myself.

blank canvasI’ve been reflecting on how I feel during this process and trying to capture the new thoughts that come to me as a means of becoming more self-aware.

I noticed recently how I felt at the start of the art class, after a full days work, tired and not wanting to do much except lay on the couch all night. I became aware of the resistance and negative thoughts going through my entire body at the thought of having to stand at the easel for two and half hours, trying something new which would require me to concentrate, think, and feel. Not as appealing as I’d hoped for. It was a little more than just me having trouble getting started. I was like a car that wouldn’t start because it had been flooded with too much fuel. I already had an active mind from work and I was resisting taking on anything that would add to my brain activity. It was a resistance of sorts, which I worked through, and in doing so I gained insights to the process of creative expression.

I was resisting because I have to give up a part of myself, and to let go of control in order to create. I didn’t want to do that when I was tired, as I was already feeling vulnerable. While it’s not a big part of myself to give up, it felt like it, and of course my ego was in on it.

To create you’ve got to surrender part of yourself, give up control and just write uninhibited, or paint without a care. Giving up this control is only temporary at the time. Thanks to my ego, it feels like it will be forever, and a tug of war can begin. When I let go of the rope and wanting to be in control, I draw, paint, feel inspired and become energised. My tiredness is reduced and I find a little confidence within myself at being vulnerable while not being in control. I also have a sense of accomplishment at creating something uniquely mine.

During the class, I’ve connected with people on the same path as me and I’ve spent time in a new environment. It’s not just the benefits of creating art, there’s an entirely bigger package that is part of this process, either way there are many benefits of art and creative expression.

The Art Within

I’m about to discover my artistic style when drawing and painting. blank canvas

Driving home from art class I had an insight to my art journey. I’m learning about drawing and painting, and while I’ve attempted to do this over the years, very much amateur-like, I’ve not established or discovered my style.

I realised it’s a little like unwrapping a gift when you have no idea what’s inside. So far there are hints my art will be bold and colourful (which would match my personality), but maybe other aspects will shine through. A softer side? A darker side? A funny side? It’s certainly an exciting position to be in.

What makes this even more exciting is that I never thought I had any real artistic talent in terms of painting, and definitely not with drawing. This is because of a few reasons. Mainly from the wrong comments, and a little too much criticism, by well meaning people when I was young. I then continued to keep these comments alive in my mind by saying them to myself every time I drew or painted.

Also it’s easy to compare yourself with others starting at a young age. This self-perception is within naturally. There’s always someone better than you, especially if you look negatively at your own work. It can be a block. Once I realised this, I address these feelings so they wouldn’t stop me from expressing myself artistically. A big part of this process is not looking at other people’s work, if I do it is only with admiration.

I’ve gone through this process with writing. I’m more practised at observing how I feel and I notice the resistance coming up. I know I’d rather go stand in the corner and cry than do the art classes. But this is me. No one else is causing this and I can face my fear, which leads me out of my comfort zone so I’m growing and discovering new things about myself. The difference is also now I’m ready to discover my style and I’m willing to explore an undiscovered part of myself. cube sphere painted

To find the new artistic skill within me and coax it out into life is fun. Instead of being fearful, or anxious, I am excited to discover what might develop and allow my style to be released. It’s exhilarating. A mix of excitement, nerves, anticipation, expectation, and wonder. All from simply drawing and painting in class.

The result is I’m on the edge of discovering my style of expression, and to allow the art that has been locked inside of me for so long out.

A Thing for Journals

It could be said that you can never have too many blank journals ready to be written in but I suspect I would be an exception.

I can’t walk past a new journal – crisp untouched pages, a cute image on the front, inspiring messages scattered throughout, glitter on the cover. The blank pages call out to me wanting to be written on and I can’t refuse the call. Ideas already pop into my head demanding to be written, right then and there. It becomes almost like if I don’t buy the journal the ideas will abandon me and be lost forever. Not quite but the joy that sparks through me when looking at a new journal is delightful.

journalsStanding there in the shop holding it in my hand it becomes a conduit for my creative writing. A new potential seeds in my mind and begins to take root and its like this new journal, still yet unopened, is the fertiliser, water, soil and sun all rolled into one and the perfect balance to help this idea grow and blossom. I want to do everything possible to nurture this idea so it reaches its full potential.

When writing it’s more than sitting down churning out the words, there is also fun and play as part of my process. Buying journals is just that, it’s my fun, its my play and it’s a magical time when my imagination can open new doors because I’m not actually looking for ideas or inspiration.

I use these journal to write poetry, to journal through my thoughts or events in life, to plan stories, to write first drafts but more importantly I use these journals to play with ideas, to try new story lines to have fun exploring what I might discover if I’ve set myself a writing exercise – to have fun with words.

This is what the journals provide for me and so I cherish them, even before I’ve written in them – right then those blank pages are reminding me of my potential and what I could do on their pages if I dare.

And so I buy another journal.journal

Which Pen?

I never realised how important it was choosing a pen to write with. I’d always been a little fussy, and I had a love for stationary, but I didn’t realise how deep this passion went, right down to the point of having to decide what pen I would write with for a particular story.

When I come to write with pen and paper I had developed a ritual on choosing the pen to use – without realising it until taking photos of my coffee and writing implements and noticing the different pens that featured. So it got me thinking about this process and what it might reflect about my approach to writing and creative expression.

The pen chosen depends on what I’m writing; poetry, journaling, first draft of a prose piece, or what pen happens to be in my handbag. But it’s more than what I’m writing.

When I started writing more seriously, I decided to treat myself and buy a modern fountain pen. I enjoyed writing in ink, more so when I was journaling or writing poems. The fountain pen was easy to move, and the ink flowed, helping the words to come into existence on the page forming their own type of imagery. I couldn’t help feeling like a scribe of old, and it provided some of the magical energy needed to create.

It’s not all romantic-like when writing, there’s also a practical side to consider. The ink cartridges for the fountain pens weren’t cheap and I would use them quickly. Also I had some cheaper journals and the ink would seep through making it difficult to read what was on the other side. At the time I was being mindful of money so I retired the fountain pen and returned to my cheap ball point biro. I can write quickly with this pen when I need to. When the images come, and the creativity flows, it’s important to catch the words, and not have to be concerned with a pen that’s not handling the heavy duty workout.

I’ve also discovered coloured ball point pens to mix it up, but I always return to my blue coloured pens. And black pens just don’t work for me. I like to see the blue ink on the white paper.

Thinking about the pen I use to write with gave me an insight to how I approach my writing and how choosing a pen is part of my creative expression, even if I’m the only person who reads rough draft. This process of pen selection revealed a hidden aspect of my creative expression that I hadn’t previously noticed.

The equipment you use to express your self is important. It’s not enough just to grab a pen and book. At least it’s not for me. I want to be using a pen that is like me; fits well in my hand, moves with my fast strokes to create word after word. After all it’s an extension of my arm, it’s the movement from neurone pathways directing the dance on the blank page, which in parts creates my story. And that’s why the pen used is important.

pen and journal

 

Light and Shadow

Recently, I decided to change over the out dated light pendants in my home from the previous owner to something more my style. How hard could it be? Just find a design I like, which is also in my price range. I’m not fussy. While there are thousands of designs out there I wasn’t going to agonise, “which one am I going to buy?”

My plan was to go in, follow my heart and allow my intuition to guide me. I’d know if it’s the right light for me or not, because of a gut feeling. Even though I walked in and was slightly overwhelmed by the variety of choices I still managed to make a few decisions, made easier as I was combining a ceiling fan with a light.

ceiling fan.jpg

Then I hit a wall.

All because the sale assistant pointed out how I needed to take in to account the hanging length and where the shadows would fall. This stopped me in my tracks.

Shadows? But I’m buying a light, there won’t be any shadows. It wasn’t something I’d considered and it meant the pendant lights I’d fallen in love with weren’t suitable. Now, it seems obvious this is something I should’ve thought about. I was changing a frosted glass pendant for one that was solid and so would cast shadows on the ceiling, or my cupboards depending on how high I could hang it. I just hadn’t thought it through enough. Lucky the lady spoke up.

It got me thinking about how light pushes the shadows away, but there are constraints with this and while I might try to bring parts of my life out of the shadows for reflection, the area of light I bring it into may not be as large or bright as I’d have anticipated. Even in the light things aren’t what they seem and perspectives can still be overlooked or simply not seen.

I left the light shop with no pendants and my mind thinking of light and shadows, what will work and how the hell did this task get so complicated, especially when I didn’t have the time or head space for this. The task was meant to be straight forward, easy and fun and a cheaper way to make my home mine. I was rather pensive at how a simple task could be more involved and would take more energy I had planned to give. But it’s important. It comes back to light and dark. I don’t want shadows in my home, and I don’t want too much bright light, and I want beautiful pendants to feature in my rooms. I thought about the balance I wanted in my home and where I’d be comfortable for the shadows to fall so they wouldn’t hinder my lifestyle – because I came to the conclusion I’d needed some shadows so as not to be blinded by the light. I didn’t realise how symbolic changing the lights in my home would be.

I went back to the shop and again using my intuition, but with the help of a few weeks of thinking, I selected the pendants, taking into account the shadows that would be cast into the room. Because there will always be shadows in my life.

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